Against a societal backdrop of spiraling youth anxiety and depression, Jill Ehrenreich-May, professor and associate chair in the Department of Psychology in the College of Arts and Sciences and director of the Child and Adolescent Anxiety Treatment Program, facilitated the “Parenting in the Age of Uncertainty” seminar for the University of Miami Alumni Association on May 20.
“As the fierce protectors of our child’s wellbeing, we all struggle with knowing where to lean in and when to pull back,” said Ehrenreich-May, recognizing that the distinction is challenging to navigate during stressful times. “Reinforcing new, brave behavior is the key to practicing new coping behaviors, and parent attention is a powerful reinforcer. A parent’s attention is like a piece of candy; so be really careful when you hand that candy out.”
The recorded conversation with Ehrenreich-May was moderated by Erin Kobetz, the John K. and Judy H. Schulte Senior Endowed Chair in Cancer Research, associate director for Community Outreach and Engagement at Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center, and co-director of the Clinical Translational Science Institute.
Ehrenreich-May launched the seminar by sharing from her own experience while living on an army base in Germany. Her mother often encouraged her to go outside to explore—but anxiety prompted young Ehrenreich-May to return quickly to the back screen door. Her mother, though, would send her lovingly back outside, hoping she would cope with the discomfort and explore a little further.
“Today, I know that what my mother was doing for me was incredibly important to my development—shaping independent behavior in the face of anxiety and distress is one of the most powerful tools we can offer our children—who, of course, eventually have to navigate this world on their own,” said Ehrenreich-May.
Parents, as the guardians of their child’s safety and whose biological imperative is to keep them safe and healthy, may struggle with the challenge to distinguish between real and “vague” threats, Ehrenreich-May said.
“Fear and anxiety are normal, natural, and generally harmless emotions. We are all born with the ability to experience fear to keep us safe when we are faced with real threats in the world by generating what we call a fight or flight reaction to our internal sense that something bad is about to occur,” she said.
But what about vague threats and sources of uncertainty, such as social media, violence toward children, academic pressures, and lingering effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, that may be fueling a “youth mental health pandemic” today?
“When there is uncertainty about the level of danger around us, our brains start working overtime to look for clues and solve this mystery in a process we typically refer to as worry, and while we are doing this our bodies are experiencing many of the same very strong fight or flight feelings we might have in the context of a present-oriented danger. We call this a ‘worry alarm’,” she said.
When children feel fear or anxiety due to some trigger in their environment or in their bodies, even vague ones such as they see two children whispering together and staring at them, they will typically act to avoid or escape whatever perceived trigger that is, she pointed out.
“Generally, we do that because it works. Our bodies naturally feel relief when we avoid something that we think can harm us,” Ehrenreich-May noted. “But, if the threat is not present or we could cope with it ourselves effectively, this process really backfires—because the next time that situation reappears, our brains are now more likely to see it as dangerous and again respond with avoidance.”
This cycle of avoidance gradually increases the intensity of our fear and anxiety about whatever stimuli or situation prompted our distress.
“Again, all perfectly fine if the trigger in this case is going to immediately harm you—a venomous snake should be avoided, for example,” Ehrenreich-May said. “However, when we treat children with anxiety or related disorders, we are generally trying to reduce or eliminate this cycle of avoidance.”
To know whether a child’s worry thought is valid, she urged the audience to follow the “stop, slow, and go steps.” This detective thinking process is important to inform the “go step,” as in what action to take.
She suggested following the “ACE” strategy—acknowledge, come back to the body, and engage—as a helpful approach for parents to manage their own emotions and better support their children.
The process begins by acknowledging your thoughts and feelings without judgment, simply noticing them, perhaps saying to yourself, "Here's worry," or "I'm noticing a racing heart,” she explained.
Then, come back to the body: Bring your awareness back to your physical sensations by focusing on a physical anchor. Feel your feet on the floor, your back against a chair, or the sensation of your breath. And finally, engage: Once your emotions have reduced, engage with your surroundings and the task at hand. Notice what you can see, hear, and feel—use all five senses in the moment.
Ehrenreich-May drew from her extensive expertise as director of the Child and Adolescent Mood and Anxiety Treatment program to craft this webinar.
Questioned about the impact of social media on children’s mental wellbeing, Ehrenreich-May referenced the trend of allowing children to spend lengthy periods of time in front of a screen. That trend was exacerbated during the pandemic period.
“We have an entire generation of kids that found this back-up activity, and there was no one day that the pandemic ended so some people have kept on with that amount of screen time,” she said. “We know that this is a real risk for some kids in terms of judgement and exposure to things that could be harmful to their development.”
In regard to social media use and online activity, Ehrenreich-May felt this was one place where it was okay to be more intrusive as a parent. “Know what your child is doing on their device; be overprotective to at least know what’s going on,” she said.
She suggested finding an alternative activity, even a “small step” toward an activity that children can enjoy that is not screen related and working on reinforcing that over time. And for parents themselves to model the behavior they seek to instill, such as putting their devices away.
The “Parenting in the Age of Uncertainty” webinar, a partnership between the University’s Alumni Association and the Office of the Provost, was projected as the first in a series geared to share “just-in-time” research taking place at the University, according to Kathi Kern, senior vice provost for education, who offered the welcome.
